Business Studies

It's not like I hated business but I knew I was never good at it. So, why the bloody hell am I in here? *Sigh!* Just exactly how did I get myself into this mess... Don't get me wrong, I love my course, but I seriously don't know why am I here at times. I'm just not passionate about business that's all. I hate exams and calculations, how did I get into this? I wonder if I was allowing myself to be pushed around too much. Why don't I have any control over my own life? Life just sucks when you don't get to choose your future!

Blood Donation!

Hi!


I've donated blood for the first time today, and I was sooo.....nervous! The needles are horrifyingly thick! I don't even want to think about it, but apart from it, it's really a pleasent experience actually. I finally learned my blood type. It's an 'A', Yay!


But since it's my first time, I didn't go alone, of course, I'd grab my best mate, my sister, of course! It's actually a very nice experience, despite the needle, but it's not so bad! Maybe another trip 3 months later!

Ambitions unfulfilled?

Along the journey called 'Life', I find myself wondering if people appreciated me before they find me 'gone'. So tempted even until recently to run and hide away from all I know. Such selfish thoughts! But honestly, can anyone truly say that not once in a lifetime that you feel miserable and abandoned, being laughed at for the fantasies of a young girl's dream, or perhaps a young man's dream, often then not by those closest to you? And I dare say that I'm a young girl. Not a teenager, but should still be young and carefree as well as serious when time comes, and to find big dreams facinating and achievable once a while.

I never pampered myself with fancy dreams, but it is rather practical, though a little far from reach but still achievable. I kept this dreams from most people because it was rather ungodly and very much worldly. But who is to say that I can't achieve things that are not a norm of my cliques, if not my peers.

I have very much find myself nearly resolved to apply actions to my dreams. As I do not know what sort of sacrifices I will have to make, and very much troubled at how others would see me (I meant whether if I'll stumble anyone), I refrained. But I can't keep brooding while I'm young, and regret what could have been in the future. Oh, how I feel like a young woman being scorned at just because I have a profession as a writer back a century ago!

Nicely put the thoughts of a young heart which brought me back to my motto a few years back, something about not regretting the past. The truth is, I still do not know what is in store for me, and wandering aimlessly for a plan for a living, but I do not want to live an ordinary life as the ordinary me. Oh, by what I mean is my working life/environment.

I want to be different! But I have been shunned away by the one and only person whom I can talk to for comfort, for support, for encouragement, and for many other things. Oh, how one can be a stumbling block! Who can a poor girl turn to if not her mother? But I'm not here to talk ill about her, as she is human and this is just one of the times she had made her unwitty remarks and laughed at it. But it did mattered that she can't see the my seriousness and uncertainty in the matter, or she's just blind as at heart as she is physically.

I don't blame her though, might she be womanly, but she isn't at all girly most of the times. I suppose her struggles in her youth caused her to be even more manly, than she already is, than girly. Although, I am not so girly myself, thank heavens for that! Maybe I should just think more about this or maybe just try it out. There's no harm to try, and who knows I may do well, only I feared, pray not, that I should stray from Him!

A Collaboration of C.A.R. & Petra Angels Again!!!

It has been a year since we've perform together, this is gonna be exciting! Like mentioned in my other post, it is in a form of outreach and we'll work hard for this!

Unreserved Love

This is just the lyric for the song item that Amy, Suet Ling and I will be performing. It has a Cantonese version & an English version. Since I don't know read and type Chinese, so here's the English version. I hope the lyrics will touch your heart.

I've always been told love won't survive

Promises will turn into lies

The world just thinks love comes & passes through

It never last pure & true

But I still believe love can last

It's Your unfailing love that gives me rest

You were there when I needed you most

I'll never walk all alone

[CHORUS]

On the cross You died and took away my curse

Love so wondrous no one ever could deserve

Your bleeding hands proved Your love unreserved

You're my greatest joy & treasure on the earth...

Make my life a fragrant offering I pray

Help me, Lord, to serve You truly everyday

Through tears & joy, I'll give You all my praise

Let the whole world know Your love & grace

Isn't it wonderful the lyrics? Especially for those brokenhearted out there, isn't it a comfort? Yikes! I just remembered that I had to think of a narration for the song. For those coming for YP this Sat, enjoy!

Nothing Special, Just Excited!

Well, new semester had started. As expected my first Macro Economics lecturer was boring. But fortunately, I sat at the front rows so I was able to stay awake. But then again, the lecturer is not so bad, of course. Since it's the first lecture, you can say that he's being a bit lenient on us, but I hope I'll be able to stay focused for 14 weeks *xp*. After 2 hours lecture, I dropped the car with my mom in 'Tam Kong' and went home.

I'm a bit excited today. Not only that this Sat I, Amy, & Suet Ling is going to perform a song item entitled "Unreserved Love", but coming up the week after next the C.A.R. & the Petra Angels will be performing for P1 (Program 1)! Well, we've held a meeting just a few hours ago and had a pretty interesting idea on how the performance gonna be. Can't tell you the details now but one thing I can tell you is that, it is gonna be in a form of outreach, so...try not to come alone, okay? The C.A.R. & the Petra Angels will do our best! Fighto - Oh!

I beg your pardon, but I am different!

Sometimes I wonder if is it a sin to like something different? Different preference of hairstyle, clothing, interests, or even thoughts and understanding/perception.

Lately, ever since I-, no, not lately. How should I say this? For example, I like to keep my hair long. It has been like this ever since, no matter what other people say. Stubborn, maybe, but this is me, this is what I like, so what! You have no idea how I felt when a high school junior came to me and say, 'I know you,' because my long hair made me stand out in the school yearbook. Not that I wanted to show off or anything, but it makes people feeling better when they are different from others. Is that so bad to be different then?

I don't know why people always criticise my preferences. Although, most of you out there don't. Why is it that *you have to scowl or frown when I like things that you don't? Is it so bad that I like boy bands better than single artists? Is it bad that I enjoy reading mangas, comics, fanfictions, and novels? What's wrong in being a fan of Korean, Japanese, or whatever other celebrities? It's not like I'm obsessed with them, I simply wanted to share my preference with people I am closest with. And come on, who wouldn't get over excited over things they like!

Some time ago, I had been told a series of time that I have bad taste in music just because that someone don't like my kind of music. Fine. I took those words in the first time. Then, the second. And comes the third, fourth, fifth, and on and on. I mean, give me a break! Is it so wrong that I like DBSK and KAT-TUN, and instead of just BSB or N'Sync?!

Sure, they are Koreans and Japanese and I don't understand they are saying but, hey, at least that will motivate me to learn other languages (P/S: I've always want to learn other languages but rarely motivated). Not to mention, they are really talented!

Okay, never mind that. I'm not here to preach about them, just gotten sidetrack.

In a nutshell, is my taste in music so bad that it is worth talking about? And secondly, what in your guts (or something else) does my preferences had to do with *you?! Step back and stay back! And as much as I hated this phrase, here's it for *you: 'You like, I like'!

(P/S: *you - that someone)

Wah...

Wah.... gomenasai! I haven't blogged for ages! A lot had happen since the last entry. Well, 1 semester had passed and *sigh* I had to repeat but things are not half as bad. That's all for now I guess. Till later....

Emo Me vs. Logical Me, Episode 1 - Exam's over!!!

April 28, 2008, 3.20pm.

Emo Me: "Yes! Woohoo...! I'm finally out of the place!" (Jumping & dancing like crazy)

Logical Me: "That's great! Now we can get rid our migrains! So, how did it go?"

Emo Me: (Stop dancing, looking uncertainly at Logical Me) "I don't know...I don't really understand the terms in the questions. But who cares!" (Start dancing maniacally again) "No more exams!!!" (Stop for a while) "Well, maybe until a few months later, yeah...!!!!" (Continued dancing)

Logical Me: "Ahem" (poked 3 times on Emo Me) "Sorry to burst your bubble...Do you realise that you'll have to the whole of first year if you fail?!"

Emo Me: (Stop dancing abruptly) (Wailed loudly) "Why can't you just stop reminding me...?"

Logical Me: "I'd love to, honey, but I can't. If I don't remind you, we'll both be fried!"

Emo Me: (Crying out loud) "Waaaahhhh...!!!! Why me....?!!!!!!"

Logical Me: (Sigh defeatedly and muttered) "It's not like we can change that now... I've really got to get us organised...or we'll be dead meat" (Sigh again, rubbing temple) "If I'd listen to me" (shaking head)

Emo Me: "Waaaaaahhhhhhh..............!!!!!

Logical Me: (Sigh!)

Aftermath of April's Fool

Hey,

How's ur April's Fool?

A friend of mine sent an SMS to me & a few other classmates & told us her hostel caught fire in the middle of the night. But sadly, I was very well aware that she sent it on a very early April's Fool morning. So, I went to college as usual as if nothing's happen, waiting for her to ask about the message.

As expected, she asked me during our break. I backfired her Fools by pretending that I haven't gotten any news. She walked right into the lie...probably thought that I had no reasons to tell her a lie. Boy, was she wrong!

Then, I cut into her 'speech' before she could tell me that she had tried to fool me, by saying April Fool.

And then, I told her that I actually received the message...

Amnesia...

I hate it when it happened.

I can never seems to remember the important things. Small things like duties & homework...

Is it a medical condition or just the nature of Man?

Memories that I desperately hang on to but it always slip away. Hearing them once and it was snatched away from my thoughts the next second. Memories that I want freedom from seem to come back to me in the most inappropriate time.

I hate it when it happened...

Emo Gal...

I seriously do not know what is wrong with me...

Maybe it was the weather, stupid hot & stuffy weather, or was it because of health problem.

Since I came back from Genting Highlands, from the leader's camp, my throat's been uncomfortable.

Or maybe it was the things that I've gone through last year...

A friend asked me how have I've been this two years yesterday, and I find that I can't really recall anything except for the recent depressing happenings in my life. (So, I'm really sorry if I bored him...) I know that there are exciting things that I've been through for the past years. Argk! I think I've got to get my head checked.

I also think I really got a problem...

I sounded so okay when everyone asked about my dad...maybe it was because I don't know how to handle his death. Living in denial and all...

Everytime people send condolenses, I just casually shrugged and said, "Yea...it was ok... We've been preparing for it..." and stuff like that. My parents had separated some years ago... I can live for a fact that my dad no longer live with us. But to know and to have to live for a fact that he is no longer living was just so hard, disregarding him being an irresponsible husband and father.

Sometimes I wonder why I still cry and mourn for him... Personally, I wanted to give him a good smashing for making my sister and I to go through such pain and for betraying mom. But seeing him looking so fragile... I just can't do such a thing. Well, even if he is well and alive...

Mom didn't want anyone to know my dad died. For what reasons... I don't know... so what am I gonna tell people who asked about him? But then again, I've already made my choice. So what if the whole damn world knows?! It's not like they cared!

So sorry to those people who sincerely cared for me if I became reserved. The truth is I just wanted to find a place to truly hide. If possible...I just want to die but I've too much to live for and too much to give up. Everyday I lived as if he has never existed but I can't lie to myself. I wouldn't be here in the first place. I wouldn't have met great friends... Friends in church... Yvonne, Irene, Jenny, and friends I came to know like William (thanks to Adrian), Elaine, Chugan, Liew, and a lot more.

Even though I'm in pain, I know and I had to keep reminding myself that there is a BIG GUY way up there looking out for me lest I strayed away... Yea, the only Father I have left after dad left us.

Til death do us part

"Forgive me... Please forgive me..." A man said, standing near the entrance of a memorial hall.

"Forgive me..." He said to his two daughters now in his arms. Both who were forced to suffer the consequences of the mistake he made in his youth.

It was surely a painful day for him on that day. It was a memorial day for his eldest son who died of cancer.

After a few years, the two girls were reunited with their father. For him, to have a gleams of him, they ventured into a place where they don't belong. To a funeral of a family but yet a stranger.

A family reunion ought to be a joyous occasion, right? But not this.

After a few years without a news from their father, they finally heard of their father's conversion into Christianity. On his death bed. He claimed that he had seen God or rather Jesus and was given a second chance to make things right again.

The three of them embraced with tears flowing down their faces. To the girls it seems like a dream come true, a prayer answered. It was almost like a dream to see their father praising The Most High, they silently pray that this will last because...their father's days are numbered.

Months after months, their father's condition got worse until one fateful day, he finally breathe his last.

Dear friends, you may not have a life of a broken family or maybe yours may be breaking. Remember this that we are forever bounded as a family. Appreciate one another before it's too late. Christians do believe that death is another chapter of life, not the end. But think about those whose and one of their families are not believers in Christ. When death comes they will be eternally separated.