Ambitions unfulfilled?

Along the journey called 'Life', I find myself wondering if people appreciated me before they find me 'gone'. So tempted even until recently to run and hide away from all I know. Such selfish thoughts! But honestly, can anyone truly say that not once in a lifetime that you feel miserable and abandoned, being laughed at for the fantasies of a young girl's dream, or perhaps a young man's dream, often then not by those closest to you? And I dare say that I'm a young girl. Not a teenager, but should still be young and carefree as well as serious when time comes, and to find big dreams facinating and achievable once a while.

I never pampered myself with fancy dreams, but it is rather practical, though a little far from reach but still achievable. I kept this dreams from most people because it was rather ungodly and very much worldly. But who is to say that I can't achieve things that are not a norm of my cliques, if not my peers.

I have very much find myself nearly resolved to apply actions to my dreams. As I do not know what sort of sacrifices I will have to make, and very much troubled at how others would see me (I meant whether if I'll stumble anyone), I refrained. But I can't keep brooding while I'm young, and regret what could have been in the future. Oh, how I feel like a young woman being scorned at just because I have a profession as a writer back a century ago!

Nicely put the thoughts of a young heart which brought me back to my motto a few years back, something about not regretting the past. The truth is, I still do not know what is in store for me, and wandering aimlessly for a plan for a living, but I do not want to live an ordinary life as the ordinary me. Oh, by what I mean is my working life/environment.

I want to be different! But I have been shunned away by the one and only person whom I can talk to for comfort, for support, for encouragement, and for many other things. Oh, how one can be a stumbling block! Who can a poor girl turn to if not her mother? But I'm not here to talk ill about her, as she is human and this is just one of the times she had made her unwitty remarks and laughed at it. But it did mattered that she can't see the my seriousness and uncertainty in the matter, or she's just blind as at heart as she is physically.

I don't blame her though, might she be womanly, but she isn't at all girly most of the times. I suppose her struggles in her youth caused her to be even more manly, than she already is, than girly. Although, I am not so girly myself, thank heavens for that! Maybe I should just think more about this or maybe just try it out. There's no harm to try, and who knows I may do well, only I feared, pray not, that I should stray from Him!