Expectations

Life is so hard (so to say) when you expect for yourselves. At least it sort of is for me. It's just so frustrating when you are so hyped up to do something and yet a part of you just want to waste it away.

Was it just laziness? Maybe.

Do I really value the things I say I want to do? What is my ultimate goal and desire? Most importantly, what is my destiny? What is my path?

I am the only dreamer in my family. I have plenty of dreams, but these dreams are turning burdensome. I'm torned between what I think I want and my conscience. As the oldest in the family, I'm to help to provide for the family, yet I feel that I'm burdening everyone I love.

I sought to be accepted, but what worth it is when you know you would be shunned? Then again, am I really different? True, I have different preferences, why is it that I feel left out by people who cares?

I feel that I had been barely alive as a human. Maybe. Just maybe something just isn't meant to be. What is the use even if I have decided?